My greatest liability

I’m a rat. I’m a rat because I am snitching on myself that I didn’t do what I said I was going to do. (“Ouuucccha!” cries the ego.) Two weeks ago, I set the goal of sending original Tweets on Saturdays and Mondays and a blog post every Sunday. I did none of that last weekend.

So, I could go edit that post to say I would do it every other week (why not bend reality when you’re given that kind of power?). Or, be a rat.

I’ll choose rat status.

Because here’s the thing: all my life I have suffered terribly with a particular handicap. It’s sneaky. It developed over time, so subtly that when I finally saw how debilitating it had become, I was shocked at how blind it had made me.

But, it’s time to be honest. Time to speak up so others will know they are not alone; to start a dialogue and raise awareness about this handicap that afflicts so many people, yet no one is talking about. My handicap is that I am human.

This handicap means I’m going to make mistakes, fall short, make promises I lack the ability to keep, and let my emotions run away with me. I’m going to get tired, and hungry, and suffer from intermittent cases of “The Fuck Its”. The declaration “I can’t” will often cement me in place.

But, it also means I have the ability to learn, to try again, to make different choices. It means I can practice the wisdom of the Japanese proverb “Fall down seven times, get up eight.”

It means I can put down the gavel once in a while and not judge myself so harshly. It means that I can put down the gavel once in a while and not judge you so harshly. We suffer from the same handicap, the same limitation. I firmly believe we are not alive during this particular time in history to become perfect. We are alive to experience our humanity in all its messiness, ugliness and sublime beauty. We are alive to learn not for our own self-fulfillment, but so we can teach others. So that when they fall, we can show them how to get up again.

Now c’mon, up ya go.



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